Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
