oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
