i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize