Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
