I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
