dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
