All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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