im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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