You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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