We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
