I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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