So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize