how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
