Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
