and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Text me some of your sweat
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
