I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
