her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
