I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
