i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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