So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
