I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
