it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
wow bdsm is so cute
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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