I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
