It's Friday. Sex?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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