just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
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