There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I look better un-naked...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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