Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
