I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's shark week go big or go home
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
