Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
