I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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