Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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