Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
