I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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