who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
