I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
