yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
