I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
