i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize