Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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