I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
