Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
