I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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