That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
