college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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