I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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