my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
