I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
