My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize