Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
