they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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