Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
