I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
