He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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