just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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