PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
