I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize