Do you still have your period?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
