Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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