It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
