I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
