the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
