wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize