I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
