similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
