i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
