the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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