she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
