He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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