Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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