my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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