the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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